WHEN YOUR ANIMAL COMPANION DIES
- JANET GIBSON, Accredited Member of the British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists
- JANET GIBSON, Accredited Member of the British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists
Pet Bereavement Information
Introduction:
Janet Gibson is a Professional Counsellor experienced in Bereavement issues, and has been an animal lover for many years, therefore knowing the pain of losing beloved pets.
It is often helpful to talk to someone independent and unconnected with what has happened, so that you can express feelings that you may be unable to share with close family and friends.
Janet can offer understanding and guidance through this difficult time; - Helping you to move forward from the sadness that is constantly with you, to a bearable sadness which will always be a part of you but will no longer get in your way, assisting you to remember the good times, so that you can begin to be happy and move forward in your life.
Bereavement is what happens:
Grief is what you feel:
Mourning is what you do.
What is Grieving?
After the death of a well loved family pet, most people experience grief and go through a period of mourning. How people grieve is affected by a number of factors, such as their relationship with their pet and the way in which their pet died. Also their personality and coping style, age, gender, religious beliefs, cultural background, previous experience of loss, other stresses and the support available to them. The way that people have been brought up and the expectations of society may influence the way individuals grieve. For example, some people deal with their grief by focusing on practical matters, ignoring their emotional needs, while others express their loss by crying, talking and sharing their feelings. There is no right or wrong way. The following are descriptions of the common experiences of bereavement, and you may feel some, or all of them, at different times. Although everyone grieves in their own way, it has been suggested that there are four main stages of mourning.
Accepting the reality of loss; - Realising that the pet who died won't be coming back. Seeing their body and arranging their cremation can help to make sense of this.
Experiencing the pain of grief; - Allow time to work through these feelings and emotions. Trying to avoid or suppress feelings may make grieving harder in the long run.
Learning to live without the dead pet; - May involve a change in routine, taking on new activities to fill the space which your pet used to occupy.
Moving on with life; - Finding a place within your emotional life for the pet who died, so that you can adapt to a different future without their physical presence.
The above are important aspects of grieving, and people usually move between them. Sometimes this includes having periods of respite when grieving is 'put on hold'.
Grief and Mourning
Shock and Numbness. The death of a family pet can come as a tremendous shock and this is common during the days and weeks immediately following a death. You may feel shaky or numb, out of touch with things around you, experience difficulty breathing, and suffer with a dry mouth, nausea, tightness in the throat and chest, fatigue, or a feeling of emptiness. Although you feel devastated, your mind only allows you to feel your loss slowly, - numbness is a normal reaction which protects you from feeling too much pain all at once and may help you get through the practical aspects of informing family and friends and your arrangements for disposing of your pet’s body. The numbness may seem to make the situation unreal. “This is just a nightmare, when I wake up everything will be normal again” or "This can't really be happening" are common thoughts which may recur. Sometimes, the numbness in itself can be quite distressing, for example if you cannot cry when you lay your pet to rest.
Disbelief and Searching. It is natural to find difficulty in accepting what has happened, especially when a death is sudden or unexpected. On one level you 'know' that your pet has died, but on another, deeper level, it seems impossible to accept that they won’t be around anymore. Confusion, panic and fear are common and you need time to take it all in. It may help to talk it through with relatives, friends or a Professional Counsellor. Numbness and shock may give way to an overwhelming sense of loss and many bereaved people find themselves instinctively 'searching' for the pet they lost. eg talking to their photograph, calling their name, dreaming the pet is back, or looking for them in the street. You may 'see' your pet who died, or hear their bark. Newly bereaved people often feel like they are going crazy, - their pain is so intense that it seems impossible to bear such pain and still survive. You may believe you are going insane, but you are not, - this is the normal reactions to deep loss.
Anguish and pining. As your loss begins to make itself felt, pining for your pet is common. This involves a powerful and desperate longing to see, touch, talk to and be with your pet. These feelings can be frightening in their intensity, and you may go over and over what has happened, replaying things in your head or talking them through repeatedly. The need to talk about your pet following their death is part of the natural struggle to come to terms with their loss.
Physical and emotional stress. A close bereavement is a major source of stress which can show itself physically and emotionally. Restlessness, sleeplessness and fatigue are common, as are vivid dreams and poor concentration. You may experience dizziness, palpitations, shakes or difficulty breathing. Intense emotional pain may be accompanied by physical symptoms such as headache, loss of appetite, nausea and diarrhoea. The physical effects of grief usually pass with time.
Emotions
Sadness. As the initial shock begins to pass, you may feel intense sadness, and want to withdraw from contact with family and friends. You may find it hard to stop crying, but this is normal, and a safe way of releasing stress. Find a safe space where you can cry in private if you prefer. Not everyone wants to cry, and this too is perfectly normal. Gradually you begin to accept your loss and the sadness becomes more bearable as you remember and cherish happy memories of your pet. In the aftermath of the death, you may feel overwhelmed and think you'll never be able to cope. Be kind to yourself, don’t expect too much, too soon. Concentrate on getting through one day at a time and accept help from friends or relatives. Remember that things are likely to improve with time.
Anger. Anger is a natural response to loss, and feelings of rage can be intense. You may feel a sense of helplessness at the unfairness of life, or anger towards others who carry on as if nothing has happened. Your anger may be quite specific and you may want to blame others eg relatives, friends, vets who did not seem to help your pet enough before they died. Physical activity is often helpful in coping with angry feelings. Remember, some people may not understand that your pet was your furry child.
Guilt and Relief. Accepting that you were not able to prevent the death of your pet, is often difficult to bear and you may judge yourself harshly. Some people feel guilty about getting another pet, - but offering a good home to another pet can’t be a bad thing if it brings joy to your new pet and yourself. If the pet who died suffered a long struggle with illness and there had been unhappiness and suffering for everyone beforehand, families may feel relief that at last it's all over. This feeling is also perfectly natural.
Grieving is the natural process of coming to terms with your loss, however, if these symptoms persist over a number of months, it may help to see your doctor who could refer you to a professional counsellor or offer medication to help you through this difficult time.
Or contact:
Janet Gibson, an Accredited Member of the British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists.
www.janetgibson.co.uk
Introduction:
Janet Gibson is a Professional Counsellor experienced in Bereavement issues, and has been an animal lover for many years, therefore knowing the pain of losing beloved pets.
It is often helpful to talk to someone independent and unconnected with what has happened, so that you can express feelings that you may be unable to share with close family and friends.
Janet can offer understanding and guidance through this difficult time; - Helping you to move forward from the sadness that is constantly with you, to a bearable sadness which will always be a part of you but will no longer get in your way, assisting you to remember the good times, so that you can begin to be happy and move forward in your life.
Bereavement is what happens:
Grief is what you feel:
Mourning is what you do.
What is Grieving?
After the death of a well loved family pet, most people experience grief and go through a period of mourning. How people grieve is affected by a number of factors, such as their relationship with their pet and the way in which their pet died. Also their personality and coping style, age, gender, religious beliefs, cultural background, previous experience of loss, other stresses and the support available to them. The way that people have been brought up and the expectations of society may influence the way individuals grieve. For example, some people deal with their grief by focusing on practical matters, ignoring their emotional needs, while others express their loss by crying, talking and sharing their feelings. There is no right or wrong way. The following are descriptions of the common experiences of bereavement, and you may feel some, or all of them, at different times. Although everyone grieves in their own way, it has been suggested that there are four main stages of mourning.
Accepting the reality of loss; - Realising that the pet who died won't be coming back. Seeing their body and arranging their cremation can help to make sense of this.
Experiencing the pain of grief; - Allow time to work through these feelings and emotions. Trying to avoid or suppress feelings may make grieving harder in the long run.
Learning to live without the dead pet; - May involve a change in routine, taking on new activities to fill the space which your pet used to occupy.
Moving on with life; - Finding a place within your emotional life for the pet who died, so that you can adapt to a different future without their physical presence.
The above are important aspects of grieving, and people usually move between them. Sometimes this includes having periods of respite when grieving is 'put on hold'.
Grief and Mourning
Shock and Numbness. The death of a family pet can come as a tremendous shock and this is common during the days and weeks immediately following a death. You may feel shaky or numb, out of touch with things around you, experience difficulty breathing, and suffer with a dry mouth, nausea, tightness in the throat and chest, fatigue, or a feeling of emptiness. Although you feel devastated, your mind only allows you to feel your loss slowly, - numbness is a normal reaction which protects you from feeling too much pain all at once and may help you get through the practical aspects of informing family and friends and your arrangements for disposing of your pet’s body. The numbness may seem to make the situation unreal. “This is just a nightmare, when I wake up everything will be normal again” or "This can't really be happening" are common thoughts which may recur. Sometimes, the numbness in itself can be quite distressing, for example if you cannot cry when you lay your pet to rest.
Disbelief and Searching. It is natural to find difficulty in accepting what has happened, especially when a death is sudden or unexpected. On one level you 'know' that your pet has died, but on another, deeper level, it seems impossible to accept that they won’t be around anymore. Confusion, panic and fear are common and you need time to take it all in. It may help to talk it through with relatives, friends or a Professional Counsellor. Numbness and shock may give way to an overwhelming sense of loss and many bereaved people find themselves instinctively 'searching' for the pet they lost. eg talking to their photograph, calling their name, dreaming the pet is back, or looking for them in the street. You may 'see' your pet who died, or hear their bark. Newly bereaved people often feel like they are going crazy, - their pain is so intense that it seems impossible to bear such pain and still survive. You may believe you are going insane, but you are not, - this is the normal reactions to deep loss.
Anguish and pining. As your loss begins to make itself felt, pining for your pet is common. This involves a powerful and desperate longing to see, touch, talk to and be with your pet. These feelings can be frightening in their intensity, and you may go over and over what has happened, replaying things in your head or talking them through repeatedly. The need to talk about your pet following their death is part of the natural struggle to come to terms with their loss.
Physical and emotional stress. A close bereavement is a major source of stress which can show itself physically and emotionally. Restlessness, sleeplessness and fatigue are common, as are vivid dreams and poor concentration. You may experience dizziness, palpitations, shakes or difficulty breathing. Intense emotional pain may be accompanied by physical symptoms such as headache, loss of appetite, nausea and diarrhoea. The physical effects of grief usually pass with time.
Emotions
Sadness. As the initial shock begins to pass, you may feel intense sadness, and want to withdraw from contact with family and friends. You may find it hard to stop crying, but this is normal, and a safe way of releasing stress. Find a safe space where you can cry in private if you prefer. Not everyone wants to cry, and this too is perfectly normal. Gradually you begin to accept your loss and the sadness becomes more bearable as you remember and cherish happy memories of your pet. In the aftermath of the death, you may feel overwhelmed and think you'll never be able to cope. Be kind to yourself, don’t expect too much, too soon. Concentrate on getting through one day at a time and accept help from friends or relatives. Remember that things are likely to improve with time.
Anger. Anger is a natural response to loss, and feelings of rage can be intense. You may feel a sense of helplessness at the unfairness of life, or anger towards others who carry on as if nothing has happened. Your anger may be quite specific and you may want to blame others eg relatives, friends, vets who did not seem to help your pet enough before they died. Physical activity is often helpful in coping with angry feelings. Remember, some people may not understand that your pet was your furry child.
Guilt and Relief. Accepting that you were not able to prevent the death of your pet, is often difficult to bear and you may judge yourself harshly. Some people feel guilty about getting another pet, - but offering a good home to another pet can’t be a bad thing if it brings joy to your new pet and yourself. If the pet who died suffered a long struggle with illness and there had been unhappiness and suffering for everyone beforehand, families may feel relief that at last it's all over. This feeling is also perfectly natural.
Grieving is the natural process of coming to terms with your loss, however, if these symptoms persist over a number of months, it may help to see your doctor who could refer you to a professional counsellor or offer medication to help you through this difficult time.
Or contact:
Janet Gibson, an Accredited Member of the British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists.
www.janetgibson.co.uk